Romantic Miscommunication Expector Pillows

'When he said he collected models, I thought he meant little plastic planes ...'

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

So, if you don't get this mail because I wrote the wrong address again, please reply to me a.s.a.p. Best, Bob

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'Are you going to answer my text message or not?'

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"The key is to keep the momentum going when you're establishing the base of the snowman..."

A man surrounded with lovehearts

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

"He's falsified data, he's falsified results...and now he says he loves me."

"And you're telling me this because?"

"Not on my watch..."

"I've never been what you'd call an 'ethics head.' "

"I've been getting a second opinion."

'I just don't want to get hurt.'

Two sea otters with smartphones

"You're welcome. Glad you like them."

"And where exactly is Timbuktu?"

'I didn't know our relationship was SUPPOSED to be going anywhere.'

"He's the guy I'm interested in. He's just not the kind of guy I'm interested in."

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"I just wanted to tell you how much I love that you don't have a podcast."

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."