Romantic Rejecter Pillows

'You'll marry me? Really? Then forget it! I can't be with someone who's standards are that low!'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

'Sometimes it's difficult to get their feelings to the surface.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

Man and Woman suck in their stomachs in order to impress.

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'-but I keep telling you-these things take time...'

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

"We'll always have Paris. I backed it up on a zip drive."

"He stowed his own bag, closed the bin, buckled his seat belt, then watched the whole safety demo...it was love at first flight!"

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

"Monogamy? In this economy?"

"And you're telling me this because?"

'He must be serious,mum - he's taking me out again tomorrow and there's football on television.'

'Love what you've done with your hair.'

Turkey going away for Christmas.

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'

"He's falsified data, he's falsified results...and now he says he loves me."

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

This is very sweet, Phil, but no, I don't want to buy a violin from you.

You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies? I said "If you spend a year working out." Well, in this past year, I've run 18,000 miles and burned tens of thousands of calories. Accidentally leaving your phone's pedometer on all year doesn't count, little buddy. You didn't say that beforehand. Loophole. Maybe next year.

'Quick Betty, come round to the Red Lion and wear your highest heels.'

'He has no romance. For special occasions, he gives me a coupon for a card and chocolates that will be 50% off the next day.'

"I can't stand reality. What makes you think I'll enjoy it virtually?"

"Not on my watch..."

'Judging from the chart, I'd say someone has a crush on their nurse...'

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

"I just wanted to tell you how much I love that you don't have a podcast."