Romantic Rejectors Pillows

'How elaborate. Most women who don't want to go out with me just say no.'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'

"We'll always have Paris. I backed it up on a zip drive."

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

'He has no romance. For special occasions, he gives me a coupon for a card and chocolates that will be 50% off the next day.'

This is very sweet, Phil, but no, I don't want to buy a violin from you.

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

'You'll marry me? Really? Then forget it! I can't be with someone who's standards are that low!'

Turkey going away for Christmas.

"Monogamy? In this economy?"

"He's falsified data, he's falsified results...and now he says he loves me."

"And you're telling me this because?"

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"I can't stand reality. What makes you think I'll enjoy it virtually?"

"Not on my watch..."

"She stood me up. I hosed off my Crocs for nothing."

"The following program contains adult situations designed to make you feel bad about your life."

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

"You're welcome. Glad you like them."

"He's the guy I'm interested in. He's just not the kind of guy I'm interested in."

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

'I didn't know our relationship was SUPPOSED to be going anywhere.'

"I've never been what you'd call an 'ethics head.' "