Romantic Investigator T-Shirts

'It's hard to choose. Can you find out if the second one from the left is married?'

Sexual chemistry set

The Wishing Well

"What I mean is what do you do with yourself all day?"

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

Deconstructionist girlfriend

Single men in Tahiti

'Relax babe, that's me before the operation,'

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

Love and temptation go hand in hand...

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

Science Applied to Art

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'I didn't know our relationship was SUPPOSED to be going anywhere.'

Murdered man spells out his murderer in alphabet soup.

"I can't see it lasting!"

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

'I'll need four character references.'

'When I married him, I didn't expect the full frontal crudity!'

Lulu's Dating Service: Special! Adult summer camp...Dining, dancing & long walks on the beach.

'We had the perfect marriage until we took the magazine quiz.'

"Hola! Tia Carmen's psychic hotline! Can I tell you where your lousy cheating boyfriend is right now?"

Man asking lady if she cares for him

"My libido?...What the hell does this even mean?"

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

"I thought dry ice would enhance the mood."

'Just move along...Nothing core to see here.'

'Was it good for you, babe?'

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

"See anything you fancy?"

Tunnel of Like.

'What makes you think she's been laying around?'