Relationship Investigator T-Shirts

"You're not really into this, are you, Frank?"

"When I connect the dots, Alice, I don't like what I see."

Wife using Mirrors to Discover Her Husband's Salary Details.

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

"This is just SO like him. For years, I begged him to straighten up and fly right, and when he finally DID, it was right into a picture window!"

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

Awkward First Dates

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

'Trust me, she can't fail to notice you now...'

'You've changed since we got married.'

'Don't worry, Alice. I won't leave you.'

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

"Arthur, I need my space."

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"