Relationship Investigator T-Shirts

"You're not really into this, are you, Frank?"

"When I connect the dots, Alice, I don't like what I see."

Citizen journalist Rudy Park with a question. Make it quick. Are you and Cort going together to heard Sean Hannity speak? We're sharing a car. Citizen journalist Rudy Park with a follow-up. Just one. Is it a date? Come clean! The people must know! What people?

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

Wife using Mirrors to Discover Her Husband's Salary Details.

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

Awkward First Dates

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

'Trust me, she can't fail to notice you now...'

"This is just SO like him. For years, I begged him to straighten up and fly right, and when he finally DID, it was right into a picture window!"

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

'Honestly! You really ought to see someone about that cough of yours.'

'You've changed since we got married.'

'Don't worry, Alice. I won't leave you.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

"Frank, I want you to try antidepressants."