Romantic Investigator Mugs

Milt had a friend video all of his dates so he could see where he screwed up.

'It's hard to choose. Can you find out if the second one from the left is married?'

Sexual chemistry set

The Wishing Well

"What I mean is what do you do with yourself all day?"

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

Deconstructionist girlfriend

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

Single men in Tahiti

'Relax babe, that's me before the operation,'

Love and temptation go hand in hand...

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

Science Applied to Art

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

Murdered man spells out his murderer in alphabet soup.

'I didn't know our relationship was SUPPOSED to be going anywhere.'

Gloria knows where you've been tonight, Lance. Apparently, that sandwich she made you for lunch contained salami, cheese, lettuce, tomato and a GPS tracker. !! !!

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

'We had the perfect marriage until we took the magazine quiz.'

"I thought dry ice would enhance the mood."

"I can't see it lasting!"

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

'When I married him, I didn't expect the full frontal crudity!'

Lulu's Dating Service: Special! Adult summer camp...Dining, dancing & long walks on the beach.

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

"My libido?...What the hell does this even mean?"

"Hola! Tia Carmen's psychic hotline! Can I tell you where your lousy cheating boyfriend is right now?"

'I'll need four character references.'

Man asking lady if she cares for him

'Just move along...Nothing core to see here.'

'Was it good for you, babe?'

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

'What makes you think she's been laying around?'