Romantic Entanglements Expert Pillows

"I was wondering...who's your celebrity crush?"

Carbon Dating.

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

Sexual chemistry set

'Single math professor in search of an intelligent woman. Send an example of your favorite equation.'

"I know what you're thinking - all I am to you is a vector."

"Now that was post-modern sex."

'Honestly! You really ought to see someone about that cough of yours.'

'You've changed since we got married.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

Intellectual Foreplay...

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

"The best place to make black hole discoveries is in the bedroom."

'Are you going to answer my text message or not?'

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

Deconstructionist girlfriend

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"Just tell us who's winning."

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

A man surrounded with lovehearts

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"The great thing about a science background is I can understand what you're experiencing in biochemical terms."

"It says here we should get a lodger."

"All parents fight."

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

"I do love you, Robin, but I'm not sure I'm ready for a full-on commitment yet."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

"I see - Gravity keeps the Earth in orbit but love makes the world go 'round."

"Yes, this is exactly how wars start—because of someone's insensitivity!"