Rival Fan Companion Pillows

"Somebody has screwed-up the seating arrangements" - Seating is an optical illusion.

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

The Alpha Seltzer

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

Tic-tac-toe

"Just being proactive."

"...And don't give me that 'I hope his precious little Blackhawks lose' look either!"

"I guess there ain't room in this town for two bonsai specialists."

"If you don't make up your mind who's taking me out, I'll do it right here."

Next Wave Collegiate Sports

Pretty Soon: Robot pets won't provide the valuable life lessons flesh pets did.

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

'I warned him about watching the game at the opposition's pub.'

Fight on the top

'I hate snowboarders!'

"I'm sorry your team lost - perhaps you should have rooted for the other team."

Federal Employees Annual Easter Egg Hunt: 'This isn't fair - the CIA always wins!'

'The rivalry at the pony club is getting out of hand.'

"200,000 other people have also highlighted this passage of the E-book, you common idiot."

Dog tallying his score against the mailman.

'Our competition is quite energetic.'

David Anderson vs. Goliath

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

I've just found out our competitors are losing money faster than we are.

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

'Friends are important...but you need enemies to keep your edge.'

'You're useless, Johnson. I like that in a rival.'

"Joseph's jealous brother adds bleach to the coat of many colors wash."

Therapist wearing a Yankees' cap talks with an upset patient wearing a Mets cap.

"Nobody realized I was a man to watch until it was too late."