Rink Rookie Gifts

"I would say your stickhandling needs a little work."

'She hasn't advanced to figure eights yet.'

Yeah, I've been driving in circles for an hour looking for a place to park. Zamboni.

Einstein's Theory of Relativity For Dummies

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

'Should I try a three point turn?' - 'Better not, we only have 30 minutes left.'

Retireee sits at desk on beach

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

"So...have you ever kissed a girl before?"

'Hello, 911?'

'Yes, this is my first time at speed dating. Is it that obvious?'

"Just so you know, despite the horrifying beating you're about to receive, I'm actually a pretty good hockey player."

'I thought I'd try making marmalade. Do we have any marmals?'

"I'll kiss you later. Catch! I meant catch you later!"

"He's quick with the birds and the bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears. . ."

"Hey, not bad! You sound like a real couple already!"

'They've got $5 tables everywhere here. Where do you feel the luckiest?'

"So, is this your very first visit to a massage therapist?"

Map for directions on a hockey rink.

'Son, you just got your first credit card and you're going on a date. My advice: keep it in your pants.'

Skate! Skate! Skate!

"Not only do we not know how to turn it off, we also don't know how to dispose of it when it burns out."

'This is too complicated. I think I'll just hold on to my waste and hope it eventually disintegrates.'

"Look lady, try and get it straight. It's tin cans, glass bottles or newspapers!"

"Baldo, a young man like you might have a lot of questions...about feelings, emotions...not knowing what is right and wrong. Remember, mi'jo...I'm here if you need me."

"Are we there yet?"

'A meeting of the 'Bandy' association for the promotion of 'Hockey on the ice.''

"So...how'd you like your first kiss?"

Ice Fisherman on the Hockey Rink

'Which side would you like me to drive on today?'

'The ice is quite thin this evening.'

'You should know my dad's a referee, He has access to instant replay,'

'The financial crisis is really affecting young people.'

"Look! The first fight of the NHL season."