Rink Ruler Gifts

NHL's toughest coach: 'I'm sick of all this whining! Hockey's a rough game!. . . Now get back out there!'

Skate! Skate! Skate!

I love my Timpani

'She hasn't advanced to figure eights yet.'

'well, Fred, I see you're finally embracing technology.'

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

"He's my school project for science class."

Malcolm Sargent

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

Yeah, I've been driving in circles for an hour looking for a place to park. Zamboni.

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

A politician's dream come true...

'Interactive TV news.'

"Why, this is fit for me!"

"God, I love this show!"

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

"I want an eponymous retail empire when I grow up, Greg. What do you want?"

'Your Majesty could have gold fish in the moat.'

"I am a control freak."

"Sky, sir?"

"Dear diary: Pillage, conquer, scheme, poison — same old thing. Plus, my new robe makes me look fat!"

"Trust no one."

'Hello, 911?'

"Just so you know, despite the horrifying beating you're about to receive, I'm actually a pretty good hockey player."

'Big shots deserve big offices.'

"Does this mean I have to talk to someone I don't know?"

"I exiled the lot of them. How are your kids?"

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

"I want to be feared as a tyrant, loved as a father, and revered as a god, but I also want them to think I'm funny."

Map for directions on a hockey rink.

'Perhaps it's time to take this relationship to the next level.' 'I'm not sharing the remote.'

Remote controlled jester.

"OK! OK! I get the message! Your recliner, not mine!"