Rink Regular Gifts

Putting on ice skates

"The ice at the rink isn't smooth. I think the maintenance team slipped up."

"Am I supposed to be breaking in my skates or my feet?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'No ice.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Rump roast?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'She hasn't advanced to figure eights yet.'

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

I wish I'd had the review.

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"And would you like flies with that?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"I forget to drink."

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Prawn Cocktail Please

Redhead

"Just water for me, please."