Rink Regular Gifts

Putting on ice skates

"The ice at the rink isn't smooth. I think the maintenance team slipped up."

"Am I supposed to be breaking in my skates or my feet?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'No ice.'

"Rump roast?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'She hasn't advanced to figure eights yet.'

"Drunk, yet orderly"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

I wish I'd had the review.

"And would you like flies with that?"

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"I forget to drink."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Redhead

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Just water for me, please."

Prawn Cocktail Please