Ringtone Renegade Pillows

"Your call is important to us - but not important enough...."

'Y'know, Al, our hunting blind kinda loses its effectiveness WHEN YOUR CELL PHONE GOES OFF!'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

Music Freak.

'Have you figured out our New Year's resolution?'

'You are the first and the last of the Mohicans ... out!'

A man without a chicken on his head!

"That's my performance review!? Two thumbs up?"

"The judges aren't too impressed!"

Hip-Hopalong Billy Bob blamed the censors for killing the country-rap scene.

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

"No, I did NOT get the memo about "Casual Fridays." Had I known I would have worn flats."

'Looks like Ed Miliband's attempt to stop the race failed.'

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

'Well excuse me Mr. watch me pound on a hollow log!! I just thought our sound could use a change!!'

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'

"Where do you keep the non-educational stuff?"

'I play it to kill time.'

"I haven't seen you look at your me-phone for five whole minutes. What gives?"

Solar Storm Expected!

Complaints (just kidding).

'My Ed is a lawyer. All of his New Year's resolutions have escape clauses.'

Leonardo Meets the I.R.S.

"You know how to whistle, don't you? Just pick up the phone and call the S.E.C."

Cluster Catastrophe

"This isn't going to work - I'm rock n'roll and you're waltz time!"

"Mr McNab gives primal scream therapy for shoplifters."

'And I got this scar when I got in a crush of plump women rushing to buy Leviathongs at the mall sale...'

Learn-to-dance pants.

"Well, I liked it until I read the reviews."