Ringside Raconteur Gifts

'Awfully glad you could make it,old boy and please excuse the gloves,won't you?'

"I can't understand women. They're happy punching each other around a boxing ring but ask them to hit a tennis ball and they scream in agony!"

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

Non Thought For The Day.

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

Wow, I don't know why we don't sit down like this more often!

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

'Hello, Doc Barnes? I just got your bill. You've just bought yourself a cow.'

"Hey Ref - any chance you can get those buzzards to quit circling over my fighter?"

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

Making Things Pleasant.

'Life on the farm used to be so... innocent. What's happened to us?'

Now we wait for the show to begin!

'Farm News' readers want to know about my childhood? Rather normal really: Lived in a pigsty, ate swill every day...'

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

The world's oldest braided rug

'I don't understand it. He's just as strong as ever.'

'He's tiring? What happened to round four 'he's ready to go!'?'

Tip jar at boxing match.

'Down on the farm!'

A Boy Visits The Rector To Ask For Some Soup.

'The night cows fell on Alabama.'

Dear Diary...Royal Diary

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

Soap Box

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

Businessman As A Weather Vane

Man Tries To Teach Horse To Jump.

"No one turned in a cow, pig or chicken Mr. McDonald."

'Excuse me. Is this seat 27c?'