Revision Warrior Gifts

'I really crammed last night.'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Good Luck in your Exams.

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

A barbarian warrior eats his breakfast

'But I did study. I guess the software didn't install successfully.'

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

Good luck in your A Levels.

"Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm the guy who invented CliffsNotes."

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

'No, go ahead and critique my mss. I'm always ok ... after the initial reaction.'

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

Knights' Status Report: Rusted out, Metal fatigue, Popped rivets, Bad welds, Squeaky hinges, Dents and dings.

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

"Yes, you do go the extra mile for this company. But you've been going in the wrong direction."

Study more to pass more tests.

'Instead of a black belt, some of our older students, like Mr. Mertz here, prefer the black suspenders.'

"With the new year approaching, I was hoping you could help with my resolution...."

"He may be Sven the Slayer to you, but to me he's still Mr Cuddly Bun!"

"Seriously, this can't be the only stretch you know."

"Can you send me a detailed list of knee exercises I could do at home but won't because I have no discipline."

"Ok, boy, one more time, then I'd better get this thing back to the battlefield."

"And they'll remain in captivity until they are fully rehabilitated and able to fly again."

Exams

Don't you hate finding out that the kid you copied those test answers from is even dumber than you are.

'If she switches to essay tests none of us will ever be the same.'

Axes 'R' Us Store

"Why do I always get stuck with being the guardian angel to someone who can't seem to finish his Ph.D.?"

"Writing is... rewriting."

"How come they call these tax returns when I never get any money returned?"

"What do you mean you're staying in with a good book?"