Revision Gifts

'I'm just studying for my eye exam.'

Good Student.

Book intoxication

Study more to pass more tests.

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Campaign for Plain English

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Punctuation Police

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

'I really crammed last night.'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Pets are reading the book 'Animal Farm'.

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

Addicted to Facebook...lost internet connection.

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"Confounded spell checker... never catches anything."

DOWN WITH THE KING!, 'Do you know what the PENALTY is for disturbing the peace during wartime?'

Will rule with iron fist for food.

Ironing Punctuation

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

Editor.

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.