Revision Gifts

'I'm just studying for my eye exam.'

Good Student.

Book intoxication

Study more to pass more tests.

Campaign for Plain English

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Punctuation Police

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'I really crammed last night.'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Pets are reading the book 'Animal Farm'.

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

DOWN WITH THE KING!, 'Do you know what the PENALTY is for disturbing the peace during wartime?'

Ironing Punctuation

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"Confounded spell checker... never catches anything."

Will rule with iron fist for food.

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

Editor.

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

'Do it write the first time.'

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'