Modification Gifts

'Man, I'm exhausted!'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Campaign for Plain English

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Punctuation Police

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"Confounded spell checker... never catches anything."

Ironing Punctuation

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

Editor.

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

'Do it write the first time.'

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

Vampire coming out of a body piercing shop with a stake in his heart

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

"Don't worry about your hair, dear, I can fix it in post-production."

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

Writer Services: We fix plot holes.

'It feels like I'm very much in a good place these days. That is, aside from the grammar.'

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"