Retro Management Critic Gifts

I can't believe I'm being dressed down in real time. What is this? The 1950's?

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Office temperature.

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

Boss: Suggestion Box Bin

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

"You bring up an important concern, but I'm looking for a problem that better fits my preconceived solution."

'Mr. Donovan, is it all right if I tie my shoelace?'

Waste Management.

'If there's one thing I've learnt from being a good manager, it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

"Nothing personal, I just wanted to see if I still had it."

The Buck Stops Here.

"I'm Action Plan Man. Good luck finding someone to impliment it."

'I'm sorry, but there's just no room in the budget for upward mobility... We're all making sacrifices...After all, I haven't been promoted in over twenty years.'

'Finally, here's your chance to do something extraordinarily good for our company - quit and start working for the competitor!'

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

Employer of the month...and every month.

I've started a management course. Whattda they teach? Today we did blame shifting.

"I like your attitude, Peterson!"

'I didn't actually say you were getting a promotion...I was merely lip-synching.'

"Dad hasn't been the same since he went back to school."

'We've identified the reason for our earning's shortfall. It seems our company is run by a bunch of rabbits.'

'He installed it to counter the ease with which people are granted access into his office.'

"In this office I'm the dog and you are the sheep! When I bark, you move!"

Yes-Man Training Seminar.

"Crumple this into a little ball, will you?"