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"These are the best seats. Remember when they used to put us next to the bus stop?"

Diner.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'What's with the overnight bag, Orville?'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Platter confusion.

Haute Chinese

Tourist

Bottomless bowl of soup

'Michelin stars? I don't think we have any, but one of the tires on the catering truck might be.'

"More croutons, sir?"

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

"If you find a shiny lure in your fish dinner, the chef would like it back. He needs to catch more fish for dinner."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

"You were right-we should have just split one."

"He's teaching me map skills, such as how to fold it."

"Yum! I should have ordered dessert, too—can I try yours?"

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

'I like a table next to the action.'

'Technology hates me.'

'No tables are available at this time. Would you be interested in take-out?'

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersize in a bucket?"

'I googled it Mom. There's no such thing as McLiver and onions.'

Waiter to diner: 'I'm going to return you to the main menu.'

'...and, after the chef's surprise, we have the cashier's surprise.'

"Are you enjoying your escargot?"

Did you slice this beef? You nearly missed.

"Don't order the calamari."

"This is delicious. I'm glad I didn't try to order in Italian"