Retro Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

Boy making rude remark to a stout man on a broken weighing machine

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

WW2 fighter pilot with emoji kills

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

'I hunt and I gather. I invented multitasking.'

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

Alien asking for Bernard manning's autograph

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

Oops! Maybe we better make the chicken first.

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

A child with a parasol is blown off the Chain Pier in Brighton

Trump to Build Wall

W.C. Fields

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

'See? I've got a rock AND a stick! -- I've invented MULTITASKING!'

W.C.Fields

"Hatless" Bill Johnson

"You remind me of myself - you know - a while ago."

"Hurry up with that cork!"

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

Not what he meant.

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

This problem began in the 1950's...

Thatcher's child

"When was this license issued?"

"Cap'n crunches"