Retouching Gifts

'31 years in graphic design eh, so I shouldn't be surprised you've retouched your photo on your CV.'

Campaign for Plain English

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

Punctuation Police

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

"Desmond likes to live in the moment. . . and that moment happens to be 1960."

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'Someday TVs will be in big boxes on the floor.'

Early Colour TV

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

'Jerry's 'old school'.'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

Curling your hair for no reason

Colonial Larrysburg.

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

The Old Time Television Channel

Ironing Punctuation

"Confounded spell checker... never catches anything."

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

Editor.