Photo Editing Gifts

'I hope you don't mind, but I used the computer to remove all those age spots and that hideous mole you have.'

'For an additional fee I can touch up your DMV picture using digital photo editing software.'

'Was the flash too bright?'

"The smile is courtesy of Photoshop."

"It's the greatest diet. You eat all you want. Then you let them stretch you with Photoshop."

Lance, is that a picture of you before a lifetime of excess? No, it's a picture of me after an hour of Photoshop.

'I think it's called Photoshop.'

Farmer using a photo editing program

'I can't get rid of red eye, you've got red eyes.'

'This is Photoshop. It's like the beauty salon of the Internet.'

To her dismay, Tanya discovers that Bill had used Photoshop to substitute Angelina Jolie's face for hers in every photo in their wedding album.

"I'll photoshop this before I post it on Facebook to make it look like I'm eating a smaller portion."

"This Tonto thinks I don't know anything about Photoshop."

"Dieting was way too difficult! It was much easier to Photoshop my beach photos."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Campaign for Plain English

Punctuation Police

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

Ironing Punctuation

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"Confounded spell checker... never catches anything."

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'