Retirement Strategists Pillows

"...if you set aside 2% of your salary for your pension you can retire at 97."

The kids are long gone and, frankly, I need the income

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Will work for ETFs

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

Investing your savings

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

Lemonade - $500 A Glass! 'Yes, my prices high, but how else am I supposed to buy a Boulevart M109R? Certainly not on my allowance.'

401K

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

"Good news. Your medical prognosis is right in sync with your retirement portfolio."

You're fortunate to have reached your Golden Years. You want the Golden Handcuffs or Golden Parachute?

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"The time has come for some tough cost-cutting decisions, and I'm forced to ask myself, do we really need a bass?"

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

Man breaks piggy bank to find another smaller piggy bank inside.

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

Your friends pooled their retirements to buy you some super sex. I'll take the soup! Hey, I like soup.

"And this financial plan is specifically designed for people who know their retirement -- IF they get one -- won't be half as good as their parents' retirement, and are really steamed about it!"

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'