Retirement Party Gifts

"If I knew what our 401k was doing maybe I could sleep."

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

'That's not in addition to your pension, that IS your pension.'

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'...and to think, forty years ago I gave up smoking and drinking for this.'

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

'The strange thing is it started out as a blueprint for a retirement plan.'

'How does this work? I've recently retired from Congress and am not quite sure how to pay for things with my own money.'

Pilot with champagne.

'I've been here for 30 years. I've forgotten what my exact role is, but I do finally know how to fill out all the forms.'

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'Never mind the pension scheme - I'm just hoping I can pay off my student loan before I retire!'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

'I'll do half of it.'

'The alpha male decided I need to go find another herd.'

"9:35. Oh, good. My life is right on schedule."

Friends With Social Security Benefits

'We're collecting for Charlie. He's leaving because he won the lottery.'

...and there's no shortage of natural gas!

'The bad news is we're a very dysfunctional office. The good news is we're getting our own reality show!'

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

Senior PGA Moment.

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

No we don't have a retirement plan, but we give you time off to buy lottery tickets...

"I have an announcement to make. Harry has decided to spend more time with his pension."

"I can't decide between spending long lazy days by the condo pool or getting addicted to opiates."

"We do all those old tricks electronically now."

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

'Change? We're not against change. . . Change everything back to how it used to be!'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'Been in a coma for 23 years. Before that, he never missed a deadline. I pray he'll wake up one day - so I can fire him.'

"He's dead- but that's normal for his age."

"They threw a surprise retirement party at work... It was for me!"

Delusions of Retirement.