Retirement Party Gifts

"If I knew what our 401k was doing maybe I could sleep."

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

'That's not in addition to your pension, that IS your pension.'

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'...and to think, forty years ago I gave up smoking and drinking for this.'

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

Pilot with champagne.

'The strange thing is it started out as a blueprint for a retirement plan.'

'How does this work? I've recently retired from Congress and am not quite sure how to pay for things with my own money.'

'I've been here for 30 years. I've forgotten what my exact role is, but I do finally know how to fill out all the forms.'

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

'Never mind the pension scheme - I'm just hoping I can pay off my student loan before I retire!'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'The alpha male decided I need to go find another herd.'

'I'll do half of it.'

Senior PGA Moment.

'The bad news is we're a very dysfunctional office. The good news is we're getting our own reality show!'

'We're collecting for Charlie. He's leaving because he won the lottery.'

No we don't have a retirement plan, but we give you time off to buy lottery tickets...

The Babe calls his shot.

...and there's no shortage of natural gas!

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

"9:35. Oh, good. My life is right on schedule."

Friends With Social Security Benefits

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

"I have an announcement to make. Harry has decided to spend more time with his pension."

"When I first planned my retirement it was an ocean going 7 berth yacht with jacuzzi and helipad..."

"He's dead- but that's normal for his age."

"Who's he trying to impress? Silly ass!"

'I'm moving you up from senior executive to aged executive.'

Everyone at a meeting has fallen asleep.

'It was an early-retirement offer I couldn't turn down. They threw a pile of money my way, asked me to disappear in a puff of smoke, and before they could change their minds, I was gone!'

'The way to look at it, Benson, is it's a simple choice. Enrol in the company pension scheme or burn in the fiery pits of Hell for all eternity.'