Master Of Retirement Parties Gifts

'This urn contains the ashes of all my annual performance reviews. They gave it to me in lieu of a gold watch, when I filed for retirement. Management said money is tight.'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'I sent out for everything.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Good game."

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

"What's a debenture?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"It's days like this that make me long for days like this."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

Pilot with champagne.

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

Stairlift around cliff face.

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

"We do all those old tricks electronically now."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"I love these off-site business meetings."