Retirement Navigators T-Shirts

'It's an interhome memo. At 10:00 there will be a PowerPoint presentation on how I don't know what to do now that I'm retired.'

"Your contents have shifted."

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

Menopause and the City

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'They've dealyed our IPO so long that we've gone from intending to open a chain of pre-schools to opening a chain of nursing homes.'

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

You Know You're Old When...

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

"Just what we've been looking for...a happy medium."

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

'Now that I'm retired, I have time for state and national meetings, but I no longer need the information.'

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

'Jeremy, why can't we talk instead of you bottling things up all the time?'

'Inform him I dislike it when he uses the dog to communicate.'

He's back from retirement as a consultant.

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

"She used to shop until she dropped, but with online shopping, we lost that protection."

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"

'The good news is I've got a part-time job. The bad news is I started the day with a full-time job.'

"When we have fun, we really have fun."

'No pep, shaky, noisy, overheating. Right. Anything wrong with the car?'

'Just give her a chance to cool down. It's probably hormonal.'

it's his way of easing into full retirement.

Darby and Joan zimmer frame tandem

"I'm 'The Drunk Divorced Overweight Chain-Smoking Middle Aged Man.' 'The Wise Man' is on the next peak."

7 Dwarves of Midlife.

Opportunity to pursue other options, next exit.

'He's decided not to have a mid life crisis-he thinks it could be too expensive.'

'I'm not that concerned about my prostate ... I'm still trying to survive my wife's menopause.'