Midlife Navigators T-Shirts

"Oh, that's just the pedestal your father used to put me on."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"Your contents have shifted."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

Menopause and the City

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

Four years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ Show, our resident octogenarian asked listeners for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Sadie, I was going to suggest you start a YouTube channel to share your advice with younger people. But YouTube just stabbed its content creators in the back. They stopped showing ads on videos discussing anything even remotely controversial. That's going to put so many important voices out of business. So I don't really have an

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

Parkour for the over-40s.

He comes by sometimes to tell me he quit my job, bought a convertible and is going to open a brewpub. Midlife crisis actor.

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

Cyber Fight

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

'Jeremy, why can't we talk instead of you bottling things up all the time?'

'Inform him I dislike it when he uses the dog to communicate.'

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'