Midlife Explorer T-Shirts

"I need to find out if I'm working to live or just living to work. Pull together the numbers that make sense out of it all."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Lately, I find myself questioning everything. Like, why did I just say, 'Stick 'em up?' 'Gimme your wallet' is what I really meant. That's what really matters."

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

"Don't patronize me. Nobody cares what I think anymore. Go ask Dr. Phil."

Rambler encounters an existential signpost.

"Do you like it? I got it right here on Madison at Executive Ponytails."

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"I have this recurring dream where I leave my wife and run off with one of my graduate students. What do you think it means?"

"I can't tell if I feel tired because I'm older, or I feel older because I'm tired."

"I realize you've been at loose ends lately, but having your ears pierced is not the answer."

"I never thought about coloring my hair until I coughed up a gray hair ball."

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

Midlife: You Are Here.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

'I appreciate the fact that your husband likes my bike, but can you tell him to quit drooling all over it?'

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Lawrence of Suburbia

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"It's official, Michael has filed for moral bankruptcy."