Retirement Navigators Gifts

'It's an interhome memo. At 10:00 there will be a PowerPoint presentation on how I don't know what to do now that I'm retired.'

"Your contents have shifted."

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'They've dealyed our IPO so long that we've gone from intending to open a chain of pre-schools to opening a chain of nursing homes.'

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

You Know You're Old When...

"Just what we've been looking for...a happy medium."

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

'Now that I'm retired, I have time for state and national meetings, but I no longer need the information.'

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

He's back from retirement as a consultant.

'Jeremy, why can't we talk instead of you bottling things up all the time?'

'Inform him I dislike it when he uses the dog to communicate.'

"She used to shop until she dropped, but with online shopping, we lost that protection."

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"

"When we have fun, we really have fun."

'The good news is I've got a part-time job. The bad news is I started the day with a full-time job.'

'No pep, shaky, noisy, overheating. Right. Anything wrong with the car?'

'Just give her a chance to cool down. It's probably hormonal.'

Darby and Joan zimmer frame tandem

it's his way of easing into full retirement.

"I'm 'The Drunk Divorced Overweight Chain-Smoking Middle Aged Man.' 'The Wise Man' is on the next peak."

Opportunity to pursue other options, next exit.

'I'm not that concerned about my prostate ... I'm still trying to survive my wife's menopause.'

'He's decided not to have a mid life crisis-he thinks it could be too expensive.'

Hello, dear! Remember 1968?