Aging Navigator Gifts

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

"Your contents have shifted."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

Weird things I do because of the internet

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

Better times ahead.

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

Midlife: You Are Here.

"Some fine day, my son, all this will be yours."

"All this time I've been trying to get her to walk, and all it took was a phone."

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"I can Botox it, but I don’t want to freeze up my sixth chakra."

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Wiseguys/Smartasses/Eggheads/Smarty Pants

Doubt or Certainy

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

You Know You're Old When...

"I was pretty highly respected until email came along."

"I must be getting old. I've forgotten why I came down the stairs."

"You kids are losing your ability to communicate person-to-person...so we're having a good old-fashioned family talk!"

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

'Data, data everywhere!'