Retirement Cruise Gifts

"I've passed your complaints along to the captain."

S. S. All You Can Eat

Excess Baggage: You never have to worry about finding your way around those humongous new cruise ships. Your stomach will lead you.

"I told you not to hand in that evaluation form until after we'd docked!"

"Ticket and passport, please."

The experienced backpacker.

Tourists

'Someplace where we could take lots of selfies with national monuments...'

Cutaway view of Ocean liner.

World Tour.

Mrs Howell packs 200 changes of clothing for a 3-hour tour.

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

Easter Island Shades...

'That may be what the wine glossary says, but to me, terroir means a fantatic view.'

Statue is moved to hold up the leaning tower of Pisa.

'That strange smell, George.. is FRESH AIR!'

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

"I thought the travel agent said 40% off."

Tourist

'We must have everything... this is all that's left!'

'The view is much better on the other side of the bus, we'll sit there on the way back.'

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

How Relaxing It Is To Go To The Beach. . . How Close You Live To The Beach.

All Roads Lead To Rome

'I thought I'd never say this, but I think we might've traveled too far this time!'

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

'Two for French Polynesia.'

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

"Heads-up, the tourists are coming."

"I don't know. Lately, everything looks like Jackie Kennedy to me."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

'For Zeus' sake, man, get me some sunblock or a hat.'

Fake News, 50 cents.

'We'd like to go to a country that doesn't have tsunamis.'