Retired Cricketer Gifts

"There's another thing - d'you realise it's over forty-three years since I took my last wicket?"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Too old to rock'n'roll now, Sir?

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"I quit."

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

I got my bad back from an old football injury.

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

"You've still got it Joao."

"I'm sure he was a great blocker when he was playing, but I doubt he'll be a great ad blocker."

"I'm retired actor Daniel Day Lewis. They thought I was I was good. They don't know how good."

"I once loved a parade."

Rugby golden oldies.

Where are they now? Paul Henderson.

Old basketball players never die. . . they just pick and roll.

"I used to be a racer: Giving people joy-rides is really really boring..."

Bumper Stickers for Seniors.

"You could say I'm a war veteran. I'm a retired junior high teacher."

(Retired) Jockeying for position.

"If exercise is so good for you, how come athletes retire at 35?"

"He's auditioning for a part in 'Conan The Octagenarian'."

Old man dusting bodybuilding trophies.

Retirement became the obvious decision.

"I hope you've come home with something for your wind."

"How long has it been now, Mary, since I've been off the charts?"

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

"Going cold turkey might be too much for him . . . Let him watch reruns of the 1977 centenary test in Melbourne until the lockdown is over!"

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

'At the Old Players' Home. . .