Retail Wrangler Gifts

Boss: '...Let's not forget who our customers are!' (It turns out they just have one left).

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

"Here, I'll call the credit department for you...you might wanna push 'seven' on here."

Sales Clerk tricks woman into an instant merchandise exchange.

The sale begins when the customer says no!

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

"I've outgrown my backpack."

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

High Riders of the Old West

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

'No, go ahead and critique my mss. I'm always ok ... after the initial reaction.'

'I LOVE the smell of cooked books.'

'Any stunt driving experience other than teaching three teen-agers to drive?'

'Did you want me, boss?'

"Ambitions... to finish on the winning side for a change."

"What's the problem Cowboy? Never heard of Cattle Driving before?"

Super Homeworld

'Dang, we're losing a lot of strays.'

'Ever wish we were back on Wall Street?'

"The $350 we received to stimulate the economy is still missing..."

'How do you do it? I keep coming up with six.'

Low rates!

"It's broken I'm afraid." "Will I be able to work?" "Depends. What do you do?" "Oh, I'm just a cowpoke for Circle 'Y' Ranch."

"No one is making you do anything you don't want. I'm just saying we're all headed for Dodge City and we think you should come along."

'Where do you see yourself not getting tenure in seven years?'

"...and then the heroic young investor managed to capture the evil high interest rate monster and wrestled him down until he was a mere 5.25%!"

District Budget Meeting: Asprin

"Being a post-doc for thirty years can really screw up your life."

"We've got a real feisty one here. We caught it trying to cross the stream behind the store."

Targeted opponent

"Dad, if you don't know the answer to this algebra question...just say so."