Retail Ruler T-Shirts

"I want an eponymous retail empire when I grow up, Greg. What do you want?"

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

I love my Timpani

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

'well, Fred, I see you're finally embracing technology.'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

Malcolm Sargent

"He's my school project for science class."

Pirates at the mall.

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

A politician's dream come true...

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

'Interactive TV news.'

"God, I love this show!"

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

"Why, this is fit for me!"

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

Hey, Ernie, you're trying on costumes for the Halloween party! No, I'm finding clothes for my job at the store. I need to fit in the Christmas Decorations there. They've been up for weeks. It's too soon! I don't like decorations going up so early! Cupid's another way I could dress for work. The Valentine's Day decorations are going up right now!

'Your Majesty could have gold fish in the moat.'

"I am a control freak."

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

"Dear diary: Pillage, conquer, scheme, poison — same old thing. Plus, my new robe makes me look fat!"

"Trust no one."

"He's a genius at product placement."

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.

"Sky, sir?"

"We need to reduce our overheads."

"Listen, Baldo, I know what you're thinking...but as part of the management team, I can say with all confidence that your job is safe."

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

"I exiled the lot of them. How are your kids?"

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."