Retail Reality Buster Gifts

'New, are we?'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

Black hole setting

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

The ride with the shortest lines at disneyworld...

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

Pirates at the mall.

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

'That's part of the reason for our problem. We lost the key to the door.'

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

'Why pay the airline $7.00 for a beer, when I can get a drone to deliver 6 for the same price?'

"The boss is mad at me. I did something really, really dumb today!"

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

Hey, Ernie, you're trying on costumes for the Halloween party! No, I'm finding clothes for my job at the store. I need to fit in the Christmas Decorations there. They've been up for weeks. It's too soon! I don't like decorations going up so early! Cupid's another way I could dress for work. The Valentine's Day decorations are going up right now!

'It's a rare generic defect. To put it bluntly, you have no brand loyalty.'

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

"We need to reduce our overheads."

"Listen, Baldo, I know what you're thinking...but as part of the management team, I can say with all confidence that your job is safe."

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.

'No way, man! Murphy isn't worth anywhere near the 3.5 million they're paying him!'

Reading

"BJ is aware of your concerns, but he's waiting until your facts agree with his idea of reality."

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

"When we got married, you said we'd be in the lap of luxury...but here we are, in the butt of bankruptcy!"

Holy Water and Ice Blocks

"Hi, Mr. Tepper. This is the I.R.S. Say, back in April, when you paid your tax, we had no idea of the sort of bills Uncle Sam would be running up, and-well, the long and the short of it is that we have to soak you again."

"I'm doing 9 to 5."

"...It's just that I feel I've become typecast."

"The imaginary people keep telling me that I'm crazy..."

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

'It's not my job to argue with you, sir. So, I'm turning you over to Mrs Yomp.'

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

The customer is always right, but that fact has no standing in law.