Brand Buster Gifts

'It's a rare generic defect. To put it bluntly, you have no brand loyalty.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

I'm not making enough money to like you.

US v.s. Tech Giants

'Have you no common scents?!'

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."

CASA DE JOY PREMIUM TEQUILA STONE BISSETT DISTILLERY CONT. NET.1000 ML 40% ALC Vol.

Some scents are nonsense.

Creative entrepreneur at work

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Gerald Ratner's return

'We need to target the rich and stupid.'

SupermarketAwful Market.

The Acme Agency: Dedicated to life, liberty and the pursuit of media exposure.

"Didn't you get the memo? The boss said he was bringing in some experts to help with the company's rebranding."

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

Basketball Tourney. Ernie, you're crushing everybody in the office basketball pool! You've picked the winner of every game so far! It's amazing because you don't know a thing about basketball. For you, picking the winner of every tournament game is like correctly guessing a coin flip sixty seven times in a row! No, I have a system! It seems everybody has an opinion about the tourney so I listened to what my investment advisor thought about the teams. And with his record of picking winners

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

"Maybe we'd do better if we called ourselves 'baristas'."

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

"Try thinking like a different brand."

Our New Slogan: Make Money.

Turning 'Raw Hype' Into 'Pure Hype'

"I see you had the foresight to like us on facebook."

The Bargain Brand

"In the marketplace of ideas, we may not have the best ideas, but we have the best marketing."

'It's not really rsutling, it's rebranding."

A cat spells out Google in its litter box.