Retail Navigation Gifts

"Legal supplies? That would be aisle nine, article six, subsection G."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

Mall 'maze' directory bewilders shopper.

Click - 'View basket' - 'click' - 'Proceed to checkout.' - 'Con't untick box if you don't not want to not recieve e-mail marketing.' - 'Calm, Peel. Calm...' -

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

Freeways in the Supermarket

Women in grocery store contemplates high and low calories.

"I need one of them and one of them..."

Road signs point to various things to buy including "women's wear", "office supplies" and "household appliances".

"I just want Velveetaaaaaaa!"

The Piranesi Mall

Easy Course

Supermarket Traffic

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

Complaints department

"Honey, I can’t find it … they have too many Greek yogurts. No, I’m not crying!"

Time sure flies by.

Information pathways

Supermarket traffic lights.

God at the shopping mall...

"Well, it's up the escalator, on that second floor, you take a left at men's wear, go past the fabric store."

Supermarket aisles in relation to health.

'Please call customer services for assistance with your enquiry.' - 'Gah. Useless website!' - 'Press '1' for sales. Press '2' for customer service.' - '2' - 'Please visit our website at...' - 'Oh, you did not just say that!'

"Attention, Kmart employees."

"Project Leader 1 and Project Leader 2 are feuding."

Let's go inside. And remember: Your internet shopping habits won't help you here. Mall. Huh? What're you wearing? You look ridiculous. It's nothing. Let's head into Target. It's a midweek sale. If we get separated, I'll bring you a medic. Uh, okay. Medic? In-person shopping melee! Medic. Soft-underbellied e-commerc shopper in aisle two! Where am I? Can I return to my homepage?

The clerk's eyes follow you as you browse so it feels like a real shopping experience.

"I hate when stores change things around - the cheese was always in this aisle."

'Has anybody seen Grandad?'

"Gah, they've had a refit."

'For the last time, Ken, I did not back over anything! You're imagining things! ... Now get out of the cart, wade into that pond and retrieve your ball!'

The other GPS that could benefit humanity.

"Move it to a zoom room, this bulk bin reunion is blocking the cashews."

"I don't need a basket, I came here for one item."