Resume Writer Gifts

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"I felt like 'data analyst' sounded better than 'good guesser'."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"You don't even look good on paper."

'Mike, how's the world's greatest writer of fiction?'

''Born great' sounds arrogant -- Why don't you just say that you have a genetic propensity towards greatness?'

''R. Sims, a man of conviction' sounds better than 'R. Sims prison parolee'.'

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"You know, this is going to look great on our CVs."

"I see from your resume that you lost your last job due to habitual lateness."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

Tweaking the CV.

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."