Resume Writer Extraordinaire Gifts

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

"I see under special skills you listed 'multitasking'."

'What made that candidate stand out?'

'You know, I was buying this resume until I got to the part about you serving on your town's Ouija Board.'

"This is an impressive resume, but do you have other experience besides 'barking a lot'?"

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

Tweaking the CV.

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

Your resume says you were a waiter...

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'Have you got a resume?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

The Joy of Recession

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'