Resume Experimenter T-Shirts

'Tattooing your resume on your back is a little odd, but what bothers me is that I'm unable to read it due to all the hair.'

"Young Frankenstein"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

Cookbooks

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

'Is this river good for fish?' - 'Yes, so good the refuse to leave it.'

Sexual chemistry set

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

'I wish they'd hurry up and fix the wind tunnel.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

'We're looking for people who like to take work home.'

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'

The Soundness of Newton's Laws

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"I've never seen a resume that's entirely made up of emojis. Let me take a few moments to decode it."

"You look a lot better on paper than you do online."

"We're out of today's soup, but you can have tomorrow's soup from yesterday which is the same as today's."

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'