Resume Expert T-Shirts

'Judging from your resume, I'd say you probably can afford me.'

'We're TRYING to find you a job, but you fall into that difficult 18 to 65 age group!'

"I see from your resumé that you've beaten a couple of fraud raps. Excellent!"

'Shabby? I don't see anything shabby about your resume.'

'Yes, I have your CV in front of me now.'

"You look a lot better on paper than you do online."

"You should have mentioned in your resume that you could only do it once."

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

"On the contrary. For this position we're looking for someone who can think 'inside the box'."

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

Tweaking the CV.

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Have you got a resume?'

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

'... No, you're not on the short list. You're not even on the long list.'

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'