Restroom Strategizer Gifts

"I’ll be back — I just have to pee for 90 minutes."

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

"Hey Rudy, you've been in there for over an hour. You OK in there?" "I think I'm dying here." "What? D'you need me to call 911?" "I don't think that'll help." "I just need to build more pikemen and cavalry and buy a defense boost before the enemy's march reaches my city." "Get off your phone!!!" "I'm saving a kingdom here! It's important!"

'Do you think we can afford better toilets?'...

'Where toilet?.' 'Toilet lady graphic sign.'

(No caption. Astronaut on the the moon looks at an outhouse with a picture of the Earth where the crescent moon would be.)

Mega Corp. Last Rest Stop for 37 Doors.

A couple with dog look at restroom signs of a man, a woman, and a fire hydrant.

Life's choices (Tampons and Chocolate).

"Your desk is in here now. After all, it's where you spend most of the working day!"

They put their hands under me so I'll blow hot air. They put their hands under me so I'll run water. You don't want to know what they put in front of me so I'll flush.

I used to swing from chandeliers. Now I move as quickly as possible from restroom to restroom.

"I just need a few minutes with the auto-sensor to regain my illusion of control."

A man realises surveillance cameras are on him at the urinal.

A dog locks a man out and sleeps in his bed.

"Here's a money-saving tip."

Toilets of Tuscany Tour

A couple look at a graph on their bed

'The snake and plunger didn't work, so I'm going in...'

Closed for cleaning.

Windscreen wiper on mirror to clean mess from youth squeezing spots

"I took 30 showers today, so I'm good for the month."

Absence of public toilets and prostate problems.

Hell's Restrooms.

"Yes, mom, I forgot my towel. Now I need an exit strategy!"

After ditching the footwraps the Russian army faces the lost sock paradox.

Man uses encyclopaedia to try to decipher trendy signs for toilets in pub: pens and cobs

Hand Drier

Toilet 'Thinking Area.'

A Sign Your Job Search is Getting Desparate.