Toilet Strategist Gifts

"Hey Rudy, you've been in there for over an hour. You OK in there?" "I think I'm dying here." "What? D'you need me to call 911?" "I don't think that'll help." "I just need to build more pikemen and cavalry and buy a defense boost before the enemy's march reaches my city." "Get off your phone!!!" "I'm saving a kingdom here! It's important!"

Personal Potty Trainer

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

SWAT Team (going in to catch a fly).

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

Where history's best ideas happen.

"Morning Gorgeous!"

Potty Training.

I realized I do my best thinking in the shower.

'I warned you to stop snarfing down the free samples!'

Fat Kid 13- Goes for a ride

'Bloody reincarnation therapy!'

Lav Nav

"Here's a money-saving tip."

"I’ll be back — I just have to pee for 90 minutes."

"And you guys said I was 'gross'."

Windscreen wiper on mirror to clean mess from youth squeezing spots

"I took 30 showers today, so I'm good for the month."

Eureka!

Toilet training for an adult.

"Yes, mom, I forgot my towel. Now I need an exit strategy!"

'And this is the ultimate in low-flush toilets!'

'Life is like a toilet roll. It's only when you've reached the end do you realize how much you've wasted.'

After ditching the footwraps the Russian army faces the lost sock paradox.

'You want to borrow a tampon?!'

"She's in the bathroom, enjoying our new Japanese toilet."

"I'm sorry, mom. I couldn't hold it."

THE FART HEARD ROUND THE WORLD

'We need another bathroom.'

Gracie lures Baldo out of the bathroom by calling his phone.

'So, Mister Hamer, you want 500,000 pounds for a 2% share of your revolutionary new port-a-loo business!'