Restaurateurship Gifts

Emeril John Lagassé III caricature

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'Your French dip, sir.'

Diner.

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.

"This is our soft opening."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

'There's something hauntingly familiar about the bouquet.'

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

F&E Diner. Beer. Wine. This wine paralyzes the taste buds --- It goes with anything!

American style Greek cafe.

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

Frank and Ernie's Country Diner. Special Alphabet Soup. Come in and sit for a spell.

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

'I really don't know why we bother coming here - the food's always crap.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

F&E Subs. Hey, you replaced the little swords with periscope-shaped toothpicks! Nice touch, Ernie!

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

The Best Little Steak House in the City.

'Your pizza will be out in a few minutes. Tony's looking for a ladder to get it off the ceiling.'

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

'Enjoy your meal - but be warned we have a very bad tempered chef.'

Thermidor Dali

"Will you be ordering A La Carte, or heading straight over to the trough?"