Restaurant Philosopher T-Shirts

'Gosh, Cynthia, I just adore that wistful 'I'd rather be anywhere else but here' look in your eyes whenever we're together!'

'I guess there are lots of rotten jobs, Gramma...I hope I don't have to clean the taco hut forever.'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I shop, therefore I am."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

Surprise in the salad bowl

Stratigraphy

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

Avocado Timeline

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"