Restaurant Philosopher T-Shirts

'Gosh, Cynthia, I just adore that wistful 'I'd rather be anywhere else but here' look in your eyes whenever we're together!'

'I guess there are lots of rotten jobs, Gramma...I hope I don't have to clean the taco hut forever.'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

"I shop, therefore I am."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

"You don't whisper anymore."

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

Surprise in the salad bowl

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Stratigraphy

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

Avocado Timeline