Cafeteria Philosopher T-Shirts

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"You don't whisper anymore."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

The Origins of Everything

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

Office Canteen: 'Getting in a consultant is win-win for us... we'll get the credit if it's a success - but, if it all goes wrong, we've got someone else to blame!'

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

'I wanted shorter hours, so he cut my breaks.'

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

He wouldn't be calling the kettle that again.

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

'Mom, am I store-bought or homemade?'

Continental Drift.

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

'Why make the cake? If he's the Creationist you say he is, he'll prefer you bought it ready made.'

The vow of silence. Some days it was really hard to keep.

'If nothing sticks to Teflon, how come Teflon sticks to the pan?'

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

It's crème brûlée, Julia. It doesn't have a subtext.

'I can dish it out, but I can't take it.'