Café Philosophers T-Shirts

A Woman President Would Change Everything

Can I use your wi-fi? Of course. Did you buy something? In a manner of speaking. I bought a Snickers bar last month at the 7-11 over in Candorville. So I'm basically a paying customer. I'm not following. My money went to pay the clerk's salary. A few days later, that clerk bought a magazine at a newsstand. The proprietor of the newsstand later used that money when he went to a massage parlor. He tipped the masseuse $65. The masseuse later took a bus to our town, where she bought a latter in this

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"You don't whisper anymore."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

I demand to be recompensed for the 28.47 minutes of my time your café was wasted. What? There are 1500 square feet of seating space in this café. That is room enough for 125 people. 90 percent of Americans own a personal electronic device of some sort. The quotient of that ratio of people to electronic devices is 112.5. Dividing by two produces a quotient of 56.25. So you see, it's obvious why you owe me compensation for my wasted time. I have no idea what you're saying. You only have 55 electri

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

"You want organic, we'll make it organic."

"Your idea is strong. Really strong. But I've gotta ask myself, is it too much espresso for a decaf world?"

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

Office Canteen: 'Getting in a consultant is win-win for us... we'll get the credit if it's a success - but, if it all goes wrong, we've got someone else to blame!'

Dateline - Caf

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

Continental Drift.

"Turns out it's easier to live at work than work from home."

Aw, @#$%, just go to business school. EMU. The Practical Muse.

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

Jay McInerney

"According to the survey,retention is helped by training and money...There's no mention of chaining staff to their desks."

"I wish there was an easy answer but there's a sexual subtext to consider...even if you are comliant in meeting my needs am I subconsciously placing you in the sexually subservient role or nurturer and provider."

'You can do whatever you want here... as long as I don't find out about it.'

...Five ways for the cities-towns to raise money...

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"In the future, please order a small black coffee as a petit café noir."

"I can see the green shoots of recovery. The fag butts are getting longer."