Diner Philosopher T-Shirts

"If you want to know what Carl is like, imagine Dick Cheney without power."

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

Avocado Timeline

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Before we begin, I think you should all know that I once smoked a reefer in 1935."

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'When a cow laughs real hard, does milk come out of her nose?'

'We don't eat just anyone, ya know. You should feel honored.'

Sugar-coated riboflavin yellow #5 fructose surbosic-carboblutonic flakes.

"Now dear...remember the sermon on PATIENCE..."

'We tried hunting and we tried gathering, but now we usually eat out.'

"Yes, Jamie -- you have an insight?"

"It's a calling. Someone has to help feed the less fortunate."

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'

"I just think we should eat a lot more ice cream for dessert to battle global warming."

"But I told everybody at the dinner party, your honor, so how could it still be insider information?"

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

"Which entrée raises the fewest ethical issues?"

"Talk doesn't cook rice...but it does make it more enjoyable!"

"I started my vegetarianism for health reasons, then it became a moral choice, and now it's just to annoy people."

"I don't know, sweetheart. Perhaps Daddy can tell us if chickens have souls."

Culinary Exams

"We're migrant coffee table dwellers, and we adore the unassuming simplicity of your lounge."

Today's 'Are You Feelin' Lucky' special is all you can eat raw oysters.

"How long have we been married?"

"Now son. We haven't given thanks for all we're about to destroy."

"Mexican food?! This is America! I want pizza!"