Restaurant Joker Pillows

I think I'm about to close the deal, R

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Get crazy once in a while

"How fresh is the calamari?"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

Pope tarts.

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

"Nope, not what livestream means, Bob."

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

'I'm a work-at-home dad.'

Follow me on Twitter...

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

"Your dinner's on the table and yours is under the table."

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

I'll try the cod surprise.

'It had taken some time, but the finding of a spaghetti junction brought immense satisfaction.'

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

Toilet humour

"We know you boosted that milk truck!" "Admit it or we'll take a bite outta you!"

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

Here lies BoBo the Clown

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

No infrastructure problem here