Dining Out Joker Pillows

'Your table will be ready shortly.'

"I recommend the salad, fatty"

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

"Your dinner's on the table and yours is under the table."

'Since when does Shamrocks give you an itchy rash?'

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

I'll try the cod surprise.

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

Jim's Smart Kettle

'It's her signature dish.'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"If you have one more round it's considered a main dish."

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"Okay, that's one pizza with all our toppings and one without."

Your Dinner is in the Tin

"What is this one - 'Two egg surprise'?"

'Better than fresh - everything is irradiated.'

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