Fine Dining Joker Pillows

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"Is the MSG local?"

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'Is this still America?'